My goodness, I almost completely forgot about this thing. It's probably safe to say that I won't be writing many more posts in Abstract Insanity anymore.
For those of you who have supported my hidden angsty side over the years, I thank you.
For those of you who have actually read through any of my blogs, sorry.
For those of you who have been good friends to me, thanks.
A lot has been going on since I last wrote - I'm now a student of UCL studying Natural Sciences. Who'd've thought?! :) Whatsmore, today was my last teaching day of my fresher year.
Hence I thought I'd write one final (oh please let it be final) blog about my thought processes throughout. If you think you're similar to me - pretty happy all-in-all, but feel like you can't shed your more negative thoughts to anyone and so you leave it to be washed among the sheer magnitude of the tinterwebz, you may probably learn from this.
The work's great, if a little unevenly weighed across the year. If you enjoy your subject, you're gonna have a hoot in university.
As for the social life, I've learnt oh so much over the six months I've been here (yup, moved in on the 25th September 2010, so six months exactly). And not all of it's enlightening.
Personally, I was actually quite happy to be starting anew by leaving my old town. After SO MANY friend conflicts, it got to the point where I actually started feeling guilty about being with my friends, for fear of hurting others. I suppose that's a good first moral: Fuck that. I deserve another chance, as do all of you, should you ever find yourself in that situation (or indeed worse).
Another moral it took me a few months to learn: You're likely to be meeting tons of brand new, exciting people during Freshers' Week, you may find that some of them are your best friends, and heck, you may get more involved in some of them than others. Unfortunately, it's so easy to cock things up on that front.
I think I've kinda fallen into that category; there was someone that I liked a lot, and tried being particularly "friendly" with for as much as possible. Today, she's not talking to me.
Sadly, this could be for a number of reasons; but ultimately, the fault is either with her or with me. For some reason, I think it's with me. And that is probably what I'm really trying to sort out in my head: how could I drive someone to [seem to] hate me so much? We're borderline civil, and I feel lucky with that! Whenever we bump into each other in corridors, she forces out a "hi" if I say it first, no smile. Okay, that's kinda normal in some cases, but I'm just not used to it.
I just want people to like me... and I feel that I've done something to diverge from this goal.
Whether it's a huge change of personality on my part, or just sheer desperation, I'm not myself anymore. I just feel it.
No, I haven't had an other half since I've been here. Kinda sad about that, but it's no biggie. What I'm more sad about is the fact that I may be turning people away, or alternatively making them want to turn me away.
Whatsmore, it feels like a vital part of a fresher year wasted.
Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad - I've made new friends, I'm now in a kendo society, and apart from all the bad stuff, things have been going rather well!
So yeah, I shall end this crap where it stands right here. Thanks again to all of you who have read my mis-antics. I created Abstract Insanity with a different purpose to what it ended up being. So be it. I'll just be showing it to less people(!).
Just keep in mind that I am a happy person. The stuff I blog about isn't sad, it's purile. There are starving families all over the world, I have good health and an awesome computer. My life's great!
Take care!
Jimbob xxxxxx
PS: Mayonnaise.
Friday 25 March 2011
Sunday 22 August 2010
That Blogging Feeling
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I've finally realised the purpose of this whole blog: to unleash any feelings of angst that a man who has a positive exterior (ie. me) may feel.
It's actually hit me. Maybe I'm not mentally sane, or something. I dunno. But whenever I'm sad, annoyed, confused, or generally peshed off, I write it on the public domain. It's actually relatively safe there, I'd put my money on it. :)
(DISCLAIMER: I'm not putting any money on it.)
So, public domain, here is my great epiphany of the day. You might want to play the following song in the background while you read the next few paragraphs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFfSUBpLPdk&feature=related .
Perhaps I'm not as positive as I seem. As much as I want to hide it from everyone - including myself - I have problems too :) it's probably the case that my fear of conflict contributes to me trying to not only surpress everything, but seem happy at the same time.
It's probably worth mentioning that the happiness isn't always a facade. I genuinely try to make light of dark situations. Either way, there are times when even the mythically awesome Jimbob/Jimmeh/Jimmay can falter.
One time when this happens a lot is upon the ends of relationships. If you don't know me, you probably don't know that I'm very anti-awkwardness as well. Well, unless it's a humorous awkwardness. I digress; I was dumped on Monday - and during the week following it, I'd learnt something.
On paper, the break-up was civil, polite, modest... easy on both parties. In short, almost perfect, except for the fact that we did it over the phone (though in her defence, she did try to get to see me in person, only transport problems occurred...) and all in all, I felt a little melancholy, but I knew I'd get over it.
Turns out that she's now speaking to me very, very little... awkwardness has set in. And you now know how I feel about that.
In short, I hate that feeling when I think I've done something wrong, but can't ask anyone because she'll just say that it's all her, and the only people who will really know will be her closest friends, who I'd feel bad about asking because a) it's dragging them into a potential conflict that they don't deserve to be involved in, b) I don't really know them that well [though I have been speaking to one of her closest friends, who's being really lovely about the whole thing... only problem being that I daren't ask that question on the tip of my tongue for the sake of part a)], and c) asking shows mistrust on my part - if she is saying it's all her fault, and she genuinely believes this, then this is another route towards conflict.
Love, eh?! XD
But it's not just because I'm "love drunk" - to put it like the band, "Boys Like Girls" - friends often provide some metaphorical pits in your not-so-metaphorical stomach. I think I explained my situation in my last blog, I can't check, because it means deleting everything I've just written, and like heck am I gonna do that.
Let's just say, one of my best friends is wary of me because I hang with another of my best friends who is dating her ex. Turns out the first friend mentioned in this paragraph is actually talking to me (despite my panics in my last blog)! Though I'm struggling to cope with the thought that it could all go kaput in a second... I really don't want to lose any close friends, especially by proxy, as this seems to be. But hey, go figure.
I am so full of angst, I have become all I have ridiculed on this blog.
(Jimbob has faced up to his true self! Jimbob has obtained a Persona!)
[Yeah, that joke's only for those who've played Persona 4 on the PS2 before. Told you this blog wasn't due to be read by anyone!]
If you've been listening to the heart-rending link I posted earlier, you can stop it now, if it hasn't taken you the best part of three minutes to read everything I've written thus far.
Well, that's my negative blog, and why lately I've been getting that sinking feeling. Time for something positive!
WE HAVE A DOG! A shih-tzu cross with chihuahua, who goes by the name of Max! At this point, we guess he is about nine weeks old... and he's a little troublemaker :D I'm sure you'll see him, or at least pictures. Yay!
So there you have it. Hope you've enjoyed yourself, or something :)
All the best, Jimbob :D xxxx
It's actually hit me. Maybe I'm not mentally sane, or something. I dunno. But whenever I'm sad, annoyed, confused, or generally peshed off, I write it on the public domain. It's actually relatively safe there, I'd put my money on it. :)
(DISCLAIMER: I'm not putting any money on it.)
So, public domain, here is my great epiphany of the day. You might want to play the following song in the background while you read the next few paragraphs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFfSUBpLPdk&feature=related .
Perhaps I'm not as positive as I seem. As much as I want to hide it from everyone - including myself - I have problems too :) it's probably the case that my fear of conflict contributes to me trying to not only surpress everything, but seem happy at the same time.
It's probably worth mentioning that the happiness isn't always a facade. I genuinely try to make light of dark situations. Either way, there are times when even the mythically awesome Jimbob/Jimmeh/Jimmay can falter.
One time when this happens a lot is upon the ends of relationships. If you don't know me, you probably don't know that I'm very anti-awkwardness as well. Well, unless it's a humorous awkwardness. I digress; I was dumped on Monday - and during the week following it, I'd learnt something.
On paper, the break-up was civil, polite, modest... easy on both parties. In short, almost perfect, except for the fact that we did it over the phone (though in her defence, she did try to get to see me in person, only transport problems occurred...) and all in all, I felt a little melancholy, but I knew I'd get over it.
Turns out that she's now speaking to me very, very little... awkwardness has set in. And you now know how I feel about that.
In short, I hate that feeling when I think I've done something wrong, but can't ask anyone because she'll just say that it's all her, and the only people who will really know will be her closest friends, who I'd feel bad about asking because a) it's dragging them into a potential conflict that they don't deserve to be involved in, b) I don't really know them that well [though I have been speaking to one of her closest friends, who's being really lovely about the whole thing... only problem being that I daren't ask that question on the tip of my tongue for the sake of part a)], and c) asking shows mistrust on my part - if she is saying it's all her fault, and she genuinely believes this, then this is another route towards conflict.
Love, eh?! XD
But it's not just because I'm "love drunk" - to put it like the band, "Boys Like Girls" - friends often provide some metaphorical pits in your not-so-metaphorical stomach. I think I explained my situation in my last blog, I can't check, because it means deleting everything I've just written, and like heck am I gonna do that.
Let's just say, one of my best friends is wary of me because I hang with another of my best friends who is dating her ex. Turns out the first friend mentioned in this paragraph is actually talking to me (despite my panics in my last blog)! Though I'm struggling to cope with the thought that it could all go kaput in a second... I really don't want to lose any close friends, especially by proxy, as this seems to be. But hey, go figure.
I am so full of angst, I have become all I have ridiculed on this blog.
(Jimbob has faced up to his true self! Jimbob has obtained a Persona!)
[Yeah, that joke's only for those who've played Persona 4 on the PS2 before. Told you this blog wasn't due to be read by anyone!]
If you've been listening to the heart-rending link I posted earlier, you can stop it now, if it hasn't taken you the best part of three minutes to read everything I've written thus far.
Well, that's my negative blog, and why lately I've been getting that sinking feeling. Time for something positive!
WE HAVE A DOG! A shih-tzu cross with chihuahua, who goes by the name of Max! At this point, we guess he is about nine weeks old... and he's a little troublemaker :D I'm sure you'll see him, or at least pictures. Yay!
So there you have it. Hope you've enjoyed yourself, or something :)
All the best, Jimbob :D xxxx
Wednesday 28 July 2010
Up Blogness Creek
Four months have passed since last writing. Zoiks. Well, fortunately I'm sat here on my sofa, after a long absence, and thinking of stuff to say.
Turns out, after reading my last blog, that a lot has happened as of recent. So I'm hoping something good's going to come out of this blog. Who can tell? Let's find out! :)
First of all, after a lot of whinging on my part, I'm taken! And happily so! With a fantastic girl that goes by the name of Lottie. I won't put surnames, as I don't want her to Google herself, or even worse: a potential employer of some kind does so - it happens, apparently, hence I try not to post my full name up on this blog... though chances are I probably have, in which case, *slow, sarcastic clap* to myself for that one.
So yeah, the past month or two have been great because of this! Yay!
But this blog doesn't have such a negative name for nothing. I haven't seen her in a week, and won't be seeing her for another two weeks.
[No, that's not the worst I can do. Be patient.]
A-levels have been and gone. One month ago tomorrow since the last exam, and the best part of another month till I get the results. August 19th, in fact, which if you're a regular follower of this blog, or indeed my life, and have a spectacular memory for dates, can tell that this date generally has negative connotations on my part.
[PATIENCE.]
And yeah, I'm panicking a little about results. I need three A's ideally to get into my first choice, University College London, which I really want to go to, what with being born and living the first few years of my life in the city, and everything. If not, Sheffield's a very competant second choice, and if I end up going there, I will be more than happy.
[PATIENCE.]
And now, the true reason while I'm up a particular creek of a not very pleasant variety. [Finally!]
Two tribes are going to war (going to war, going to war) - and by tribes, I mean friends, and by war, I mean war.
And guess who's been made to choose sides? Only the guy who's terrified of hurting people. Fortunately (in an ironic sense), after yesterday, that's not the only thing I'm terrified of at this point.
Things have gotten to the stage where I'm petrified when the phone goes off. Turns out Lottie was the only person to text me today, and my driving instructor was the only person to ring me. Which reminds me, after the imminent damage has been done, I am SO changing my ringtones.
(Text tone is just "duh-ding", whereas ring tone is the full moon boss battle fight music from Persona 3. It's called "Master of Shadow", and it's kinda disco-ravey. Unfortunately, the connotations associated with it are becoming more numerous and negative, so please, if you read this, learn to enjoy the track. It's my memory of lazy days of January-July 2009, as well as this whole fiasco.)
Is it true that standing up to friends is the hardest thing for someone to have to do? Because if it isn't, I really don't want to experience it. I suppose there's a very unlikely off-chance that I won't have to even do that, but I really can't be doing with this.
July 2010 is definitely a month to be embedded in my memory. It started fantastically... waking up on the 1st July at a friend of Lottie's house, after a fantastic night on the Cromer Promenade speaking with a group of who(m?) could be the nicest people I ever met... finishing school, which was a truly bittersweet experience... having some time to myself after a few months of non-stop work... more days with the gorgeous Lottie... and now this.
Time is an amazing thing. It doesn't require a lot for something extremely brilliant to happen. Nor does it require a lot for something to potentially crush everything you are.
Sometimes, exterior positivity is a facade. But we all knew that really.
Sorry to end a blog so negatively, like Feeder sang: "it's just the way I'm feeling, yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling."
On a completely unrelated note - and a last-ditch attempt to put a smile on everyone's face: I like Feeder. Listen to them if you don't know them. I suppose the lyrics are kinda "emotional" in nature, but they're always put to catchy tunes. Therefore it's acceptable. :D
I wish everyone well!
Jimbob :)
Turns out, after reading my last blog, that a lot has happened as of recent. So I'm hoping something good's going to come out of this blog. Who can tell? Let's find out! :)
First of all, after a lot of whinging on my part, I'm taken! And happily so! With a fantastic girl that goes by the name of Lottie. I won't put surnames, as I don't want her to Google herself, or even worse: a potential employer of some kind does so - it happens, apparently, hence I try not to post my full name up on this blog... though chances are I probably have, in which case, *slow, sarcastic clap* to myself for that one.
So yeah, the past month or two have been great because of this! Yay!
But this blog doesn't have such a negative name for nothing. I haven't seen her in a week, and won't be seeing her for another two weeks.
[No, that's not the worst I can do. Be patient.]
A-levels have been and gone. One month ago tomorrow since the last exam, and the best part of another month till I get the results. August 19th, in fact, which if you're a regular follower of this blog, or indeed my life, and have a spectacular memory for dates, can tell that this date generally has negative connotations on my part.
[PATIENCE.]
And yeah, I'm panicking a little about results. I need three A's ideally to get into my first choice, University College London, which I really want to go to, what with being born and living the first few years of my life in the city, and everything. If not, Sheffield's a very competant second choice, and if I end up going there, I will be more than happy.
[PATIENCE.]
And now, the true reason while I'm up a particular creek of a not very pleasant variety. [Finally!]
Two tribes are going to war (going to war, going to war) - and by tribes, I mean friends, and by war, I mean war.
And guess who's been made to choose sides? Only the guy who's terrified of hurting people. Fortunately (in an ironic sense), after yesterday, that's not the only thing I'm terrified of at this point.
Things have gotten to the stage where I'm petrified when the phone goes off. Turns out Lottie was the only person to text me today, and my driving instructor was the only person to ring me. Which reminds me, after the imminent damage has been done, I am SO changing my ringtones.
(Text tone is just "duh-ding", whereas ring tone is the full moon boss battle fight music from Persona 3. It's called "Master of Shadow", and it's kinda disco-ravey. Unfortunately, the connotations associated with it are becoming more numerous and negative, so please, if you read this, learn to enjoy the track. It's my memory of lazy days of January-July 2009, as well as this whole fiasco.)
Is it true that standing up to friends is the hardest thing for someone to have to do? Because if it isn't, I really don't want to experience it. I suppose there's a very unlikely off-chance that I won't have to even do that, but I really can't be doing with this.
July 2010 is definitely a month to be embedded in my memory. It started fantastically... waking up on the 1st July at a friend of Lottie's house, after a fantastic night on the Cromer Promenade speaking with a group of who(m?) could be the nicest people I ever met... finishing school, which was a truly bittersweet experience... having some time to myself after a few months of non-stop work... more days with the gorgeous Lottie... and now this.
Time is an amazing thing. It doesn't require a lot for something extremely brilliant to happen. Nor does it require a lot for something to potentially crush everything you are.
Sometimes, exterior positivity is a facade. But we all knew that really.
Sorry to end a blog so negatively, like Feeder sang: "it's just the way I'm feeling, yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling."
On a completely unrelated note - and a last-ditch attempt to put a smile on everyone's face: I like Feeder. Listen to them if you don't know them. I suppose the lyrics are kinda "emotional" in nature, but they're always put to catchy tunes. Therefore it's acceptable. :D
I wish everyone well!
Jimbob :)
Wednesday 17 March 2010
Blog of Apathy Syndromeness
Isn't it funny how some weeks go far quicker than others? This could be due to a series of events that did (or, indeed, did not) happen. Maybe you're left in the midsts of everything going on, foreseeing more events that you potentially should have prepared for a while ago, and everything's just zooming around your head whilst, at the same time, you question the chances of anything actually happening to you in life beyond school/college/uni/work that is actually exciting with a chance of emphasising who you really are. Maybe the fact that you're currently feeling like a social hermit contributes, and the lack of a significant other - whilst arguably being beneficial (depending on the person you are) - is really getting you down?
Maybe that's just me.
A lot has been going on as of late - some absolutely fantastic, some diabolical(!). So, today's blog features the dilemmas and tribulations of being the most popular kid amongst people five years younger than him (for reasons unknown) as of Wednesday, 17th March 2010, at 9:38pm; also known as now.
Let's start with the good news: Pikachu has given birth to three gorgeous little baby kittens :) the genders are still unknown due to their cords still being on them... but the sweet little things are two days (and approximately four hours) old! Pikachu's proving to be as good a mother as Cathy was (Cathy is Pikachu's mother, now nicknamed Raichu. The babies are known to me as the Pichus).
That's all well and good. Plus Easter begins on Friday! And I get the day off school tomorrow to go to the University of Sheffield for an interview! I actually am looking forward to it. I did like the university a lot when I went in July [the city, however, did not live up to expectations unfortunately] so whatever happens, happens. Boo-yah.
Time for the bad news.
Driving. *sigh*. I had my test at the crack o' dawn yesterday... and I'm pleased to say that I ONLY GOT TEN MINORS!!! which is pretty good when you ignore the four serious errors. Yessirree, I epic failed. Now, the situation is that I have six months to pass my test in King's Lynn before I go to university in the depths of wherever accepts me. That means new routes, and a lot of tension... because if I fail, I've potentially wasted two years' worth of driving practice and money to go with it (I'll point out now that tests, including an hour of lesson directly before the test, is £62 PLUS the cost of a two hour lesson with your instructor. And this value's due to go up to £70, apparently).
So, do I carry on? Give up where I stand? I honestly don't know...
The uni trip tomorrow, I shall not deny, is giving me some concerns. It is, after all, an interview! And considering UCL were actually quite informal with theirs, against all expectations, that could mean that the Sheffield instructors are going to give me hell. Who knows?! Well, I will... come about fifteen hours time...
And yes, poor little Jimbob still feels a bit rubbish in terms of social life. I'm still single, with no signs of liking anyone or anyone liking me. Again, I'm aware that there are two sides to this. Some might say that this is just as well, and that no-one needs relationships anyway.
This is a fair point... but it's been too long! I want to be with someone who not only acknowledges my existence from time to time, but actually gives the impression that they want me to be there... or even better, they feel like they actually need me there.
You wouldn't know it, but this often confused and apathetical mind o' mine does hold some decent gems of wit, wisdom, and probably a little elf called Nigel that controls my thought processes.
When life gets you down, always look on the bright side of life *whistles whimsically*.
Alas, my problems are stupid. I know they are stupid, and chances are I'm writing this to either grab attention, or emphasise to myself that this situation is pathetic and that something's gotta be changed about it, which it won't do if I sit here and do homework all day or chat to people online all night.
Things have got to change.
[See? I've said it now, that makes it official! Yay!]
I'd better go. It's nearly 10pm, I'm sleepy, and I've hardly prepared for the interview tomorrow.
Bye! Jimbob :)
PS: RIP Jim Cronin, who died 3 years ago today. I'm sure the monkeys all miss you dearly.
Maybe that's just me.
A lot has been going on as of late - some absolutely fantastic, some diabolical(!). So, today's blog features the dilemmas and tribulations of being the most popular kid amongst people five years younger than him (for reasons unknown) as of Wednesday, 17th March 2010, at 9:38pm; also known as now.
Let's start with the good news: Pikachu has given birth to three gorgeous little baby kittens :) the genders are still unknown due to their cords still being on them... but the sweet little things are two days (and approximately four hours) old! Pikachu's proving to be as good a mother as Cathy was (Cathy is Pikachu's mother, now nicknamed Raichu. The babies are known to me as the Pichus).
That's all well and good. Plus Easter begins on Friday! And I get the day off school tomorrow to go to the University of Sheffield for an interview! I actually am looking forward to it. I did like the university a lot when I went in July [the city, however, did not live up to expectations unfortunately] so whatever happens, happens. Boo-yah.
Time for the bad news.
Driving. *sigh*. I had my test at the crack o' dawn yesterday... and I'm pleased to say that I ONLY GOT TEN MINORS!!! which is pretty good when you ignore the four serious errors. Yessirree, I epic failed. Now, the situation is that I have six months to pass my test in King's Lynn before I go to university in the depths of wherever accepts me. That means new routes, and a lot of tension... because if I fail, I've potentially wasted two years' worth of driving practice and money to go with it (I'll point out now that tests, including an hour of lesson directly before the test, is £62 PLUS the cost of a two hour lesson with your instructor. And this value's due to go up to £70, apparently).
So, do I carry on? Give up where I stand? I honestly don't know...
The uni trip tomorrow, I shall not deny, is giving me some concerns. It is, after all, an interview! And considering UCL were actually quite informal with theirs, against all expectations, that could mean that the Sheffield instructors are going to give me hell. Who knows?! Well, I will... come about fifteen hours time...
And yes, poor little Jimbob still feels a bit rubbish in terms of social life. I'm still single, with no signs of liking anyone or anyone liking me. Again, I'm aware that there are two sides to this. Some might say that this is just as well, and that no-one needs relationships anyway.
This is a fair point... but it's been too long! I want to be with someone who not only acknowledges my existence from time to time, but actually gives the impression that they want me to be there... or even better, they feel like they actually need me there.
You wouldn't know it, but this often confused and apathetical mind o' mine does hold some decent gems of wit, wisdom, and probably a little elf called Nigel that controls my thought processes.
When life gets you down, always look on the bright side of life *whistles whimsically*.
Alas, my problems are stupid. I know they are stupid, and chances are I'm writing this to either grab attention, or emphasise to myself that this situation is pathetic and that something's gotta be changed about it, which it won't do if I sit here and do homework all day or chat to people online all night.
Things have got to change.
[See? I've said it now, that makes it official! Yay!]
I'd better go. It's nearly 10pm, I'm sleepy, and I've hardly prepared for the interview tomorrow.
Bye! Jimbob :)
PS: RIP Jim Cronin, who died 3 years ago today. I'm sure the monkeys all miss you dearly.
Monday 8 March 2010
Blog of Loneliness
What's that? Jimbob calling himself lonely? How can that happen?! He's got at least two fan clubs (apparently) and a good, solid set of friends... HOW CAN THIS PERSON BE LONELY?!
Well, that's the subject of this blog, I suppose! :)
Right then, where to begin... well, the fan clubs, I guess. To be honest, I'm as confused as you may be. I never asked for them, and they never stopped giving me their undivided love. Not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong here. I do feel honoured and extremely lucky! And that is NOT sarcasm. :)
Honest.
But not only is the whole thing getting a bit out of hand (I've actually had to block a couple of people for being too harrassing and annoying) but it's weird... I'm loved... yet I'm not lurved...
Pffft. It's quite pathetic, thinking about it now. Writing a blog to an audience of single digits as to how lonely I feel. On the other hand, it's quite funny... and maybe also kind of eye-opening.
This is your false prophet! *LIGHTNING BOLT*
(What? Just because I'm moaning doesn't mean I can't have fun whilst I do so. :P )
Seriously though. I just wish that I could find someone who was my female counterpart. Someone roughly my age (good start), who has a positive outlook on life and can have fun without losing sight of what is important. Is that so much to ask?
Well, tough question. That was a bit vague for a description. Let's just leave that on the rhetorical pile ;)
So yes, you've probably seen a new side to me (if you're not that surprised, I'm surprised about that). And please, I love the fact that everyone knows who I am, stops to acknowledge my existence, and I'm aware that my situation could be ten thousand times worse. So I beg that you don't think me greedy or hypocritical by writing this.
Heh, well I've written all this now, I'd have to hold the backspace button for a long while before this whole thing's deleted. So be it. Let my patheticness be known to the internet nation.
Just be thankful that I've left out some details. Haha!
Well, see ya. Normal people :)
Lots of love, Jimbob :D xxxx
Well, that's the subject of this blog, I suppose! :)
Right then, where to begin... well, the fan clubs, I guess. To be honest, I'm as confused as you may be. I never asked for them, and they never stopped giving me their undivided love. Not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong here. I do feel honoured and extremely lucky! And that is NOT sarcasm. :)
Honest.
But not only is the whole thing getting a bit out of hand (I've actually had to block a couple of people for being too harrassing and annoying) but it's weird... I'm loved... yet I'm not lurved...
Pffft. It's quite pathetic, thinking about it now. Writing a blog to an audience of single digits as to how lonely I feel. On the other hand, it's quite funny... and maybe also kind of eye-opening.
This is your false prophet! *LIGHTNING BOLT*
(What? Just because I'm moaning doesn't mean I can't have fun whilst I do so. :P )
Seriously though. I just wish that I could find someone who was my female counterpart. Someone roughly my age (good start), who has a positive outlook on life and can have fun without losing sight of what is important. Is that so much to ask?
Well, tough question. That was a bit vague for a description. Let's just leave that on the rhetorical pile ;)
So yes, you've probably seen a new side to me (if you're not that surprised, I'm surprised about that). And please, I love the fact that everyone knows who I am, stops to acknowledge my existence, and I'm aware that my situation could be ten thousand times worse. So I beg that you don't think me greedy or hypocritical by writing this.
Heh, well I've written all this now, I'd have to hold the backspace button for a long while before this whole thing's deleted. So be it. Let my patheticness be known to the internet nation.
Just be thankful that I've left out some details. Haha!
Well, see ya. Normal people :)
Lots of love, Jimbob :D xxxx
Wednesday 24 February 2010
Blog of Wisbechness
Well, it's the new year, and what better way to start the year than with a report of a TV programme I've just seen?!
It's a documentary about immigration in the town that I currently live in, Wisbech. Hosted by Evan Davis (the man with the epic voice), the aim of the show was to give some typical caucasian English people some of the jobs that immigrants have been taking up, as some say, unnecessarily.
Not that I was interested so much in THAT (though it was quite interesting in itself, I s'pose...).
It was seriously weird - I don't know how I actually feel, so I thought I'd write everything I'm thinking down in a blog that no-one reads before I go upstairs and hibernate for the night. Seeing the town on TV, and all the landmarks I commonly visit (particularly at weekends :D), it's kind of... well...
...it's kind of nice. I felt proud to be a Wisbechian. Kinda funny, really.
But that's not the real worry - I was born in London, and stayed there for the first four years of my life! Everytime I take the National Express 448 bus up to Golders Green from Peterborough, I actually go past my old house on the A1(M). It's really scary.
Nonetheless, I've always considered Hendon as my home! Not rubbishy old Wisbech!
But I suppose it kinda struck me - If they showed Hendon on TV now, I probably wouldn't recognise so much of it. Probably not even my old house (it's true, last I checked they had changed the exterior slightly. Apparently they even took a room out of it; had to be my father's, didn't it?!)
Though personally, when good ol' Evan visited the Nene School, that was really a huge change for me. Not many people know this, but I actually went there for Reception and Year 1 :) and Mrs Mardle... what a lovely woman she was! I went there twelve years ago now, and it's so great to see that she's still there! I mean WOW, nostalgia trip much :)
Mrs Mardle, if you're reading this, you rocked.
However, if you did watch the documentary today and thought that Wisbech is a town full of immigrants and Wisbechians, I'd just like to say that not EVERYONE is like that. Okay, it is kinda nasty sometimes, and there are places in the town that even I don't like going, but I suppose it took that documentary to realise that this town ain't so bad after all...
I may not consider it to be my home, or maybe I subconsciously do - I suppose the documentary did represent the town to be relatively decent... and yes, a lot of people are like those shown on the TV.
It is kind of a culture clash though. I miss the city, but probably only because the last time I lived there was when I was four, and when you're four EVERYTHING is pretty awesome. But it is kind of weird; one of the last times I went up to London (the town of Edgware - their local hospital being my birthplace) to stay with relatives, my uncle actually got assaulted by a group of hoodlums!
I've only witnessed that twice in my thirteen-ish years here. But once in a total of about three months? I really know the best places, don't I? :P
That said, I've applied to UCL for September. And so far it's probably my favourite university (though that may change depending on what they offer me!). If not, UEA in Norwich was also surprisingly decent (I say "surprisingly" because you don't typically expect your local uni to be any good, do you?) so who knows?
The future's bright. It's probably even orange.
I'll leave you to think about that until next time.
See you guys! Don't wait up.
Jimbob xx
It's a documentary about immigration in the town that I currently live in, Wisbech. Hosted by Evan Davis (the man with the epic voice), the aim of the show was to give some typical caucasian English people some of the jobs that immigrants have been taking up, as some say, unnecessarily.
Not that I was interested so much in THAT (though it was quite interesting in itself, I s'pose...).
It was seriously weird - I don't know how I actually feel, so I thought I'd write everything I'm thinking down in a blog that no-one reads before I go upstairs and hibernate for the night. Seeing the town on TV, and all the landmarks I commonly visit (particularly at weekends :D), it's kind of... well...
...it's kind of nice. I felt proud to be a Wisbechian. Kinda funny, really.
But that's not the real worry - I was born in London, and stayed there for the first four years of my life! Everytime I take the National Express 448 bus up to Golders Green from Peterborough, I actually go past my old house on the A1(M). It's really scary.
Nonetheless, I've always considered Hendon as my home! Not rubbishy old Wisbech!
But I suppose it kinda struck me - If they showed Hendon on TV now, I probably wouldn't recognise so much of it. Probably not even my old house (it's true, last I checked they had changed the exterior slightly. Apparently they even took a room out of it; had to be my father's, didn't it?!)
Though personally, when good ol' Evan visited the Nene School, that was really a huge change for me. Not many people know this, but I actually went there for Reception and Year 1 :) and Mrs Mardle... what a lovely woman she was! I went there twelve years ago now, and it's so great to see that she's still there! I mean WOW, nostalgia trip much :)
Mrs Mardle, if you're reading this, you rocked.
However, if you did watch the documentary today and thought that Wisbech is a town full of immigrants and Wisbechians, I'd just like to say that not EVERYONE is like that. Okay, it is kinda nasty sometimes, and there are places in the town that even I don't like going, but I suppose it took that documentary to realise that this town ain't so bad after all...
I may not consider it to be my home, or maybe I subconsciously do - I suppose the documentary did represent the town to be relatively decent... and yes, a lot of people are like those shown on the TV.
It is kind of a culture clash though. I miss the city, but probably only because the last time I lived there was when I was four, and when you're four EVERYTHING is pretty awesome. But it is kind of weird; one of the last times I went up to London (the town of Edgware - their local hospital being my birthplace) to stay with relatives, my uncle actually got assaulted by a group of hoodlums!
I've only witnessed that twice in my thirteen-ish years here. But once in a total of about three months? I really know the best places, don't I? :P
That said, I've applied to UCL for September. And so far it's probably my favourite university (though that may change depending on what they offer me!). If not, UEA in Norwich was also surprisingly decent (I say "surprisingly" because you don't typically expect your local uni to be any good, do you?) so who knows?
The future's bright. It's probably even orange.
I'll leave you to think about that until next time.
See you guys! Don't wait up.
Jimbob xx
Monday 28 December 2009
Blog of 2009ness
Alas, it's nearing the end of the noughties. I daresay it's "the me decade" because I've got a good feeling about the oh-tens :) but in my overly cheesy and reflective manner, I shall dedicate a blog to looking back on the past year. Here's my 2009 in a nutshell.
January: Well, my 17th was pretty cool, going to see "Yesman" with a few mates (Zooey Deschanel ftw!). Also with our new additions to the family as of 31/12/08, Heathcliffe and Cathy, to keep Toulouse and Ayla company. They spent most of it under the Xmas tree, which we kept up a little longer by popular demand. Mocks were extraordinarily "bleh". OH! I also started driving lessons. Woop woop.
February: As with all Februarys, rather nondescript. Did see Tilly for the first time in six months, and the only time this year. So that was pretty cool.
March: Again, a bit of a blur, really. I think this was when I started to overdo everything, and ended up asking someone out... just when they told me they had a boyfriend. That's my first lesson of the year, as well as a full-fledged slap on the back which hopefully left a mark :). Also, I got asked out by someone :O which was a complete honour... at this point, however, I cruelly gave it the big fat "maybe". In true Jimmeh fashion.
MONTH OF THE YEAR: April. Well, doesn't necessarily mean the BEST month, per se, but a LOT happened during it.
- 2nd: Cathy gave birth to four little baby kittens :)
- 3rd: Going to Peterborough to see "Lesbian Vampire Killers" in the cinema. Well, why not?! Also attended "We Will Rock You" backstage at the COWA. Saw it afterwards. Top quality stuff :)
- 4th: Landmark anniversary. Mainly involved walking around the churchyard, I think. Then I cheered up and went backstage at the COWA again with la mere. From there I made a good friend, so it's all good.
- 5th-12th: SALAMANCA! A pretty amazing trip. Made me realise a lot about myself... but hey, it's a blog so I should probably write some of these down: the first: to admire beauty when it arises, to meet new people (biggup the Brentwood School people!), and also to not doubt friends. You know who I'm talking about, person involved... not that they read my blog anyway.
- 13th: Someone else told me they liked me (yep, you :D) but swore me to not respond. Very sweet, actually. Hadn't felt that sense of [i can't think of the word] to that intensity for a long while.
- 21st: Toulouse sadly had to be taken to the vets to be put down, aged 16. His legacy still lives on :(. On a separate note, I also found a friend I haven't spoken to in YEARS.
That was April. This was May: well, I said no to the first invitation out, but told "(yep, you :D)" I was still interested. We still didn't go out, agreed due to imminent exams. On a separate note, we were robbed. My laptop, our DVD recorder, and a PC monitor was taken, as well as several important remotes. Luckily the damage was minimal, and we actually think this was due to the rabbit scaring them off with her banging action... that is, banging of her body on the cage. Okay, there's no way to make that any less innuendous.
June: The exams. Didn't feel they went too well. On the other hand, I was made Deputy Head Boy of WGS 2009-10, so I couldn't really complain. Meg's barbeque occurred - good fun times :) oh, and I also witnessed and thus begun the long game saga that is Edraved. It's still going :D
July: SUMMAR! The month of next to nothing happening. Bliss.
August: STILL SUMMAR! Started with twelve days in London with grandparents and uncle, which was where I started my running routine (it's still going but haven't been able to recently due to that blasted snowfall >:( ). Results day came, it was a bit pants, hence starting a massive panic about what the hell I was doing.
This continued through to September, where I made the bold choice of dropping Spanish. In a sense I'm glad I did because it's made UCAS a lot easier, but on the other hand, I miss those lessons XD. Started Amadeus, in the golden period of rehearsals. Was asked out by someone else, I wasn't so much touched this time as mystified due to the fact that I'd never met them before. So that was a definite no. However I did start going out with Rose, and everything was hunky dory.
October... hmmm.... trying to remember it... passed my theory test... actually attended some parties :O Chaz's 18th, Ellie's Hallowe'en do, and Rosie's Geeks and Greeks 18th. All highly enjoyable :)
November: The end of the golden age of 2009, I think. Just felt... a bit... I dunno... rubbish. :)
December: Started horribly. Troubles with UCAS application (which was finally sent on the 14th). Amadeus was causing a lot of pre-performance stress, but fortunately turned out well in the end! And the relationship ended [I still hope you're okay - we don't talk that much anymore!] But then Xmas came, and it's been pretty good, touchwood. Got a Blackberry and a new router, so I can now go online on everything that isn't a PC! WOO! Even bought "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" for play on the Nintendo Wii. Good times!
So all in all, a generally good year, with a few bad things thrown in. But you've got to take the rough with the smooth; of course bad things are going to happen, life wouldn't be any good if there weren't any.
And I suppose if I've learnt one thing, it's this: you have to focus on things if you want them to turn out well. There's no use saying that you're going to change things if you're going to do nothing about it. I suppose that's where I faltered in a lot of things (thinking exams particularly).
So, the oh-tens are coming. May you all have a great new 2010 and a great new decade :)
Oh yeah, I almost forgot: my ritual annual apology! Silly me...
To everyone I have hurt this year (yes, I know I've hurt a few people), I truly am sorry. I honestly am trying to do things with the least amount of pain being inflicted upon others. It's actually quite hard *empty laugh*. So yeah, if collective-you are still miffed with me, please don't be :) I love you all!
And that's that for Abstract Insanity this year, this decade. Tune in next year where I'll try to install a pony for your entertainment*.
Lots of love to all!
Jimbob :D xxxx
*pony not included. STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT THE PONY.
January: Well, my 17th was pretty cool, going to see "Yesman" with a few mates (Zooey Deschanel ftw!). Also with our new additions to the family as of 31/12/08, Heathcliffe and Cathy, to keep Toulouse and Ayla company. They spent most of it under the Xmas tree, which we kept up a little longer by popular demand. Mocks were extraordinarily "bleh". OH! I also started driving lessons. Woop woop.
February: As with all Februarys, rather nondescript. Did see Tilly for the first time in six months, and the only time this year. So that was pretty cool.
March: Again, a bit of a blur, really. I think this was when I started to overdo everything, and ended up asking someone out... just when they told me they had a boyfriend. That's my first lesson of the year, as well as a full-fledged slap on the back which hopefully left a mark :). Also, I got asked out by someone :O which was a complete honour... at this point, however, I cruelly gave it the big fat "maybe". In true Jimmeh fashion.
MONTH OF THE YEAR: April. Well, doesn't necessarily mean the BEST month, per se, but a LOT happened during it.
- 2nd: Cathy gave birth to four little baby kittens :)
- 3rd: Going to Peterborough to see "Lesbian Vampire Killers" in the cinema. Well, why not?! Also attended "We Will Rock You" backstage at the COWA. Saw it afterwards. Top quality stuff :)
- 4th: Landmark anniversary. Mainly involved walking around the churchyard, I think. Then I cheered up and went backstage at the COWA again with la mere. From there I made a good friend, so it's all good.
- 5th-12th: SALAMANCA! A pretty amazing trip. Made me realise a lot about myself... but hey, it's a blog so I should probably write some of these down: the first: to admire beauty when it arises, to meet new people (biggup the Brentwood School people!), and also to not doubt friends. You know who I'm talking about, person involved... not that they read my blog anyway.
- 13th: Someone else told me they liked me (yep, you :D) but swore me to not respond. Very sweet, actually. Hadn't felt that sense of [i can't think of the word] to that intensity for a long while.
- 21st: Toulouse sadly had to be taken to the vets to be put down, aged 16. His legacy still lives on :(. On a separate note, I also found a friend I haven't spoken to in YEARS.
That was April. This was May: well, I said no to the first invitation out, but told "(yep, you :D)" I was still interested. We still didn't go out, agreed due to imminent exams. On a separate note, we were robbed. My laptop, our DVD recorder, and a PC monitor was taken, as well as several important remotes. Luckily the damage was minimal, and we actually think this was due to the rabbit scaring them off with her banging action... that is, banging of her body on the cage. Okay, there's no way to make that any less innuendous.
June: The exams. Didn't feel they went too well. On the other hand, I was made Deputy Head Boy of WGS 2009-10, so I couldn't really complain. Meg's barbeque occurred - good fun times :) oh, and I also witnessed and thus begun the long game saga that is Edraved. It's still going :D
July: SUMMAR! The month of next to nothing happening. Bliss.
August: STILL SUMMAR! Started with twelve days in London with grandparents and uncle, which was where I started my running routine (it's still going but haven't been able to recently due to that blasted snowfall >:( ). Results day came, it was a bit pants, hence starting a massive panic about what the hell I was doing.
This continued through to September, where I made the bold choice of dropping Spanish. In a sense I'm glad I did because it's made UCAS a lot easier, but on the other hand, I miss those lessons XD. Started Amadeus, in the golden period of rehearsals. Was asked out by someone else, I wasn't so much touched this time as mystified due to the fact that I'd never met them before. So that was a definite no. However I did start going out with Rose, and everything was hunky dory.
October... hmmm.... trying to remember it... passed my theory test... actually attended some parties :O Chaz's 18th, Ellie's Hallowe'en do, and Rosie's Geeks and Greeks 18th. All highly enjoyable :)
November: The end of the golden age of 2009, I think. Just felt... a bit... I dunno... rubbish. :)
December: Started horribly. Troubles with UCAS application (which was finally sent on the 14th). Amadeus was causing a lot of pre-performance stress, but fortunately turned out well in the end! And the relationship ended [I still hope you're okay - we don't talk that much anymore!] But then Xmas came, and it's been pretty good, touchwood. Got a Blackberry and a new router, so I can now go online on everything that isn't a PC! WOO! Even bought "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" for play on the Nintendo Wii. Good times!
So all in all, a generally good year, with a few bad things thrown in. But you've got to take the rough with the smooth; of course bad things are going to happen, life wouldn't be any good if there weren't any.
And I suppose if I've learnt one thing, it's this: you have to focus on things if you want them to turn out well. There's no use saying that you're going to change things if you're going to do nothing about it. I suppose that's where I faltered in a lot of things (thinking exams particularly).
So, the oh-tens are coming. May you all have a great new 2010 and a great new decade :)
Oh yeah, I almost forgot: my ritual annual apology! Silly me...
To everyone I have hurt this year (yes, I know I've hurt a few people), I truly am sorry. I honestly am trying to do things with the least amount of pain being inflicted upon others. It's actually quite hard *empty laugh*. So yeah, if collective-you are still miffed with me, please don't be :) I love you all!
And that's that for Abstract Insanity this year, this decade. Tune in next year where I'll try to install a pony for your entertainment*.
Lots of love to all!
Jimbob :D xxxx
*pony not included. STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT THE PONY.
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