That Blogging Feeling

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I've finally realised the purpose of this whole blog: to unleash any feelings of angst that a man who has a positive exterior (ie. me) may feel.

It's actually hit me. Maybe I'm not mentally sane, or something. I dunno. But whenever I'm sad, annoyed, confused, or generally peshed off, I write it on the public domain. It's actually relatively safe there, I'd put my money on it. :)

(DISCLAIMER: I'm not putting any money on it.)

So, public domain, here is my great epiphany of the day. You might want to play the following song in the background while you read the next few paragraphs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFfSUBpLPdk&feature=related .

Perhaps I'm not as positive as I seem. As much as I want to hide it from everyone - including myself - I have problems too :) it's probably the case that my fear of conflict contributes to me trying to not only surpress everything, but seem happy at the same time.

It's probably worth mentioning that the happiness isn't always a facade. I genuinely try to make light of dark situations. Either way, there are times when even the mythically awesome Jimbob/Jimmeh/Jimmay can falter.

One time when this happens a lot is upon the ends of relationships. If you don't know me, you probably don't know that I'm very anti-awkwardness as well. Well, unless it's a humorous awkwardness. I digress; I was dumped on Monday - and during the week following it, I'd learnt something.

On paper, the break-up was civil, polite, modest... easy on both parties. In short, almost perfect, except for the fact that we did it over the phone (though in her defence, she did try to get to see me in person, only transport problems occurred...) and all in all, I felt a little melancholy, but I knew I'd get over it.

Turns out that she's now speaking to me very, very little... awkwardness has set in. And you now know how I feel about that.

In short, I hate that feeling when I think I've done something wrong, but can't ask anyone because she'll just say that it's all her, and the only people who will really know will be her closest friends, who I'd feel bad about asking because a) it's dragging them into a potential conflict that they don't deserve to be involved in, b) I don't really know them that well [though I have been speaking to one of her closest friends, who's being really lovely about the whole thing... only problem being that I daren't ask that question on the tip of my tongue for the sake of part a)], and c) asking shows mistrust on my part - if she is saying it's all her fault, and she genuinely believes this, then this is another route towards conflict.

Love, eh?! XD

But it's not just because I'm "love drunk" - to put it like the band, "Boys Like Girls" - friends often provide some metaphorical pits in your not-so-metaphorical stomach. I think I explained my situation in my last blog, I can't check, because it means deleting everything I've just written, and like heck am I gonna do that.

Let's just say, one of my best friends is wary of me because I hang with another of my best friends who is dating her ex. Turns out the first friend mentioned in this paragraph is actually talking to me (despite my panics in my last blog)! Though I'm struggling to cope with the thought that it could all go kaput in a second... I really don't want to lose any close friends, especially by proxy, as this seems to be. But hey, go figure.

I am so full of angst, I have become all I have ridiculed on this blog.

(Jimbob has faced up to his true self! Jimbob has obtained a Persona!)
[Yeah, that joke's only for those who've played Persona 4 on the PS2 before. Told you this blog wasn't due to be read by anyone!]

If you've been listening to the heart-rending link I posted earlier, you can stop it now, if it hasn't taken you the best part of three minutes to read everything I've written thus far.


Well, that's my negative blog, and why lately I've been getting that sinking feeling. Time for something positive!

WE HAVE A DOG! A shih-tzu cross with chihuahua, who goes by the name of Max! At this point, we guess he is about nine weeks old... and he's a little troublemaker :D I'm sure you'll see him, or at least pictures. Yay!


So there you have it. Hope you've enjoyed yourself, or something :)
All the best, Jimbob :D xxxx