One Last Moan...

My goodness, I almost completely forgot about this thing. It's probably safe to say that I won't be writing many more posts in Abstract Insanity anymore.

For those of you who have supported my hidden angsty side over the years, I thank you.
For those of you who have actually read through any of my blogs, sorry.
For those of you who have been good friends to me, thanks.

A lot has been going on since I last wrote - I'm now a student of UCL studying Natural Sciences. Who'd've thought?! :) Whatsmore, today was my last teaching day of my fresher year.

Hence I thought I'd write one final (oh please let it be final) blog about my thought processes throughout. If you think you're similar to me - pretty happy all-in-all, but feel like you can't shed your more negative thoughts to anyone and so you leave it to be washed among the sheer magnitude of the tinterwebz, you may probably learn from this.


The work's great, if a little unevenly weighed across the year. If you enjoy your subject, you're gonna have a hoot in university.

As for the social life, I've learnt oh so much over the six months I've been here (yup, moved in on the 25th September 2010, so six months exactly). And not all of it's enlightening.

Personally, I was actually quite happy to be starting anew by leaving my old town. After SO MANY friend conflicts, it got to the point where I actually started feeling guilty about being with my friends, for fear of hurting others. I suppose that's a good first moral: Fuck that. I deserve another chance, as do all of you, should you ever find yourself in that situation (or indeed worse).

Another moral it took me a few months to learn: You're likely to be meeting tons of brand new, exciting people during Freshers' Week, you may find that some of them are your best friends, and heck, you may get more involved in some of them than others. Unfortunately, it's so easy to cock things up on that front.

I think I've kinda fallen into that category; there was someone that I liked a lot, and tried being particularly "friendly" with for as much as possible. Today, she's not talking to me.

Sadly, this could be for a number of reasons; but ultimately, the fault is either with her or with me. For some reason, I think it's with me. And that is probably what I'm really trying to sort out in my head: how could I drive someone to [seem to] hate me so much? We're borderline civil, and I feel lucky with that! Whenever we bump into each other in corridors, she forces out a "hi" if I say it first, no smile. Okay, that's kinda normal in some cases, but I'm just not used to it.

I just want people to like me... and I feel that I've done something to diverge from this goal.

Whether it's a huge change of personality on my part, or just sheer desperation, I'm not myself anymore. I just feel it.

No, I haven't had an other half since I've been here. Kinda sad about that, but it's no biggie. What I'm more sad about is the fact that I may be turning people away, or alternatively making them want to turn me away.

Whatsmore, it feels like a vital part of a fresher year wasted.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad - I've made new friends, I'm now in a kendo society, and apart from all the bad stuff, things have been going rather well!


So yeah, I shall end this crap where it stands right here. Thanks again to all of you who have read my mis-antics. I created Abstract Insanity with a different purpose to what it ended up being. So be it. I'll just be showing it to less people(!).

Just keep in mind that I am a happy person. The stuff I blog about isn't sad, it's purile. There are starving families all over the world, I have good health and an awesome computer. My life's great!

Take care!
Jimbob xxxxxx


PS: Mayonnaise.